Today, George, you delivered your first budget as a Tory chancellor. Those who voted for you - the people who believed Conservatism was about a hand up, not a hand out and who run their own businesses - are now sitting shellshocked, wondering how they could have been so utterly gullible. They should have realised that the die is cast at prep school... Continue Reading →
Say what you mean
Councils and the public sector are very careful about how they use language. This is no bad thing. It demonstrates an understanding that language is massively, foundationally important. The National Council of Teachers of English rightly says "language plays a central role in the way human beings behave and think." But language can be used to obscure as... Continue Reading →
Up the Amazon without a paddle.
I blame my pal Damon. I’d always coveted his Amazon 131, slowly converted a part at a time for classic rallying. Every so often, he’d send me pictures of it going sideways with him grinning like a loon behind the wheel. The pictures would usually be accompanied by the line “Bought one yet?” His Amazon... Continue Reading →
My guilty secret. Vintage digitals.
In theory, we should all love digis. Ask a digi-wearer the time and assuming he’s not an actuary, he’ll tell you, precise to the minute. It’ll be “five-forty-seven”; none of this vague and analogue “about quarter to six”. Digis are robust, never need servicing and are ready to go as soon as you drag them... Continue Reading →
Rock ‘n Roll actually *is* noise pollution.
Oxford City Council has opened a consultation about the dreadful menace that is “non-compliant busking and street entertainment”. Presumably, this will mean that only council-sanctioned, compliant busking and entertainment will be - at a push - acceptable. In the meantime, there will have to be auditions... The scene opens on a meeting room in the City Council offices.... Continue Reading →
Top Gear = Middle Lane
The camera pans onto the three new presenters of "Middle Lane", the BBC's replacement for the disgraced Top Gear. They are John Prescott, Boris Johnson and Harriet Harman. Each sits on a special chair, crafted from recycled Routemaster seats, complete with tartan upholstery. Prescott gets two to himself. They sit around a (fairtrade) coffee table... Continue Reading →
How to start collecting watches.
Starting a watch collection is a dangerous thing. Like most addictions (for it is just that) it sneaks up on you. That first step - from having just one utility watch that tells the time to buying the second - seems simple. "Just one," you say, "I'll get one good watch. I only need one.... Continue Reading →
What happens if your speedo breaks?
Imagine. You're driving - or riding - along and suddenly your speedometer breaks. The dial in front of you suddenly reads zero and the needle's not moving. You have absolutely no idea what speed you're travelling at. One question... Can you still drive safely? The answer's rather obvious, isn't it? There are probably not too many... Continue Reading →
Storm in a (free) teacup
Diplomacy. The art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. I thought of this when an email from Waitrose arrived today. I am no great advocate of being rude to customers. Neither am I fan of sugar-coating the truth. Customers aren't as daft as businesses believe.... Continue Reading →
The best writing advice. Ever.
Sixty four years ago today, George Orwell died from tuberculosis in a London hospital. Not only was he - in my opinion - the finest writer in English, in Politics and the English Language he left scribblers some of the finest advice. Here it is... "A scrupulous writer, in every sentence that he writes, will... Continue Reading →
MMC Musings 